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Presence

Every so often I have this moment — this fleeting moment that seems to provide me with complete clarity. It happens at random times: while driving, after waking up, maybe while eating a meal. A moment in which I’m acutely aware of everything around me, free from the lofty expectations I set for myself, free from the baggage of my past, and free from the tainted lens in which I often view the world.

This moment is something of an anomaly and I don’t quite understand it. But it feels liberating. It feels like pure unadulterated consciousness, in which life really does feel like a sacred thing to experience and hold dear.

Perhaps I’m not present enough with myself. Perhaps I’m so pre-occupied with my ever-growing list of responsibilities that it’s hard for me to take a moment to rest. I exist from moment to moment, engaging in what’s necessary to prop up my ramshackle life, but it feels as though I don’t know how to live. And to be honest, I don’t think I ever have. I’m in a constant state of autopilot and distraction.

Life is so full of wonder and beauty. I wish I knew how to experience it to its fullest. To feel its beauty and warmth emanating from every which way, and making the conscious decision to do so.

Slowly but surely, I’ll figure it out.

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